Creative Grief Therapy: How to Create a Grief Mask
“How are you?”
What do you say when someone asks how you are doing? How do you respond when they ask if things are better today than they were yesterday? Who ever thought that three little words could be so hard to answer?
When someone you love is no longer with you and you are still hurting, it can be difficult to find the right words. If your standard answer is that things are “ok,” then there might be more going on inside of you than meets the eye.
It is important for other people to be aware that how we are feeling on the inside might not always match up with how we portray ourselves or how we look on the outside.
Grief is a difficult process that we all must go through at some point in our lives. Though it can be hard to find an outlet for the sadness, there are some creative ways to get your feelings out. One of these ways is to create a Grief Mask.
Planet Grief
Not too long ago I read a book, geared toward young adults, that I really enjoyed. The book was entitled Planet Grief and it was written by Monique Polak. You can read a review of the book here: https://daddymandiaries.com/planet-grief/
The book offered some interesting ideas and creative activities to help the main characters in the book process their grief. One that intrigued me was the grief mask. I asked my girls if they wanted to create a grief mask with me. Afterall, I am not the only one who has experienced the loss of my Daddy. My children lost their grandfather, their Daddyman.
In order to understand a grief mask, I wanted to define what a mask is and why it is used.
mask
[mask]
NOUN
- a covering for all or part of the face, worn as a disguise.
synonyms:
disguise · veil · false face ·
VERB
- conceal (something) from view.
synonyms:
hide · conceal · disguise · cover up · obscure · screen · cloak · camouflage · veil ·
When we put on a mask we are creating a barrier between us and the outside world. We can pretend to be someone else, we can present ourselves in a way that is not what we truly feel like inside.
When we put on a mask, it can be an act of self-preservation. It is easier to go about our day when we are wearing something that hides part of who we really are and allows us to temporarily forget what might make us uncomfortable or sad.
Wearing a mask is a form of protection. Especially when feeling vulnerable, shaken and when your world has flipped upside down, a mask might be necessary when greeting the mailman, waving to a neighbor or mingling with house guests.
Creative Grief Therapy
When we are grieving it is easy to get stuck in the grief. We may forget the joy we found in past activities. Creative Grief Therapy is a great way to turn inward and work through difficult feelings.
In Creative Grief Therapy, it is important to distinguish between process and product when creating. The finished work doesn’t matter in this context – instead, focus on your own personal expression and interpretation of what you’re feeling. The process of creating is more important than the product you are creating. Try to reserve judgement of your creative process. Rather, look at what you create as a non-verbal way to communicate your feelings. The process is your own.
A grief mask is one way to externalize your pain, increase self-awareness of your grief journey and support your path towards healing.
Grief Mask Inside and Out
Creating a grief mask involves two steps. The first step is designing the outside of the mask. The outside represents how we show ourselves to others. This is the part everyone sees, the face we show to other people. The second part is designing the inside of the mask. This is the part that you keep on the inside. The part that no one really sees.
Materials
old magazines or catalogs
scissors
paper plates
craft paper to cover the table surface (we used packing paper)
Outside of grief mask…
My daughters and I used craft masks in order to create our grief masks. We looked through old magazines and catalogs in order to find images that matched how we were feeling on the outside. We also used paint and markers to write words or draw pictures. Another option would be to use a paper plate and add a craft stick to the front or back as a handle to hold the mask. The outside of the mask would be the bottom of the plate (the side on which you do not eat).
For example, when most people look at me they see an educator, a friend, and a sister. They see me cooking for my family and driving my children to soccer. They see me with a smile on my face and ready to help when someone needs something.
Inside of grief mask…
Using the same materials, we turned our masks over to create the inside of our mask. Make sure the outside is completely dry before turning it over to that your creation is not ruined and does not stick to the table. If using a paper plate, the inside of the mask is the side on which you would eat.
For example, one of my daughters painted the inside with colors that matched her emotions and divided it into percentages (i.e., 50% sad and 25% angry). The inside of my mask was full of dark storm clouds with words written around it (i.e., grief, sad, and tears) to illustrate my overwhelming sadness at the loss of my Daddy.
When you create your grief mask, take time to reflect on what you want to express or how you feel. You can think outside of the box when it comes to this activity because there is no right way of doing it; just let yourself be creative!
There are so many different ways that people choose to grieve and everyone experiences their own unique type of loss, which means there isn’t one right way of expressing yourself through art either. This process will help give voice to those feelings inside of you that might have been too hard for words before now.
Lessons Learned:
A Grief Mask is a great way to get children talking about grief and how we sometimes show the world a different face than what we are feeling on the inside. Kids often hide their grief for any number of reasons including:
- Fear of adding to the pain of an adult in their life.
- Not wanting to seem like “a child” who can’t handle it.
- Not wanting to deal with all the “sympathy.”
- Wanting to “feel normal” again.
Unfortunately, burying their grief for outward appearances only leads to more significant suffering when they face their grief in private. The grief mask can be an awesome tool for talking to kids about the need to express their feelings and the dangers of keeping them all inside.
Grief is a very personal experience, but it’s something that we all feel at some point in our lives. It can be difficult to express how we feel or what we want others to understand about us when we are grieving. That’s why creating your own grief mask is such an important activity for anyone who has experienced loss.
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