Stages of Grief: What to Expect When Losing a Loved One

Losing a loved one is one of the most challenging experiences a person can go through. When someone passes away, the people left behind often must process several different emotions. The death of a loved one can trigger memories of happier times. And it can be challenging to know how to cope with this new loss. However, by learning more about the stages of grief, we can better deal with our feelings and support others who are grieving.

What is Grief?

According to The Oxford Dictionary, grief is defined as:

deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death:

And The Free Dictionary defines grief as:

1. keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.

2. a cause or occasion of keen distress or sorrow.

Synonyms include:

sorrow · misery · sadness · anguish · pain · distress · agony · torment · affliction · suffering ·  heartache · heartbreak · broken heartedness 

Grief is a normal and natural process that everyone goes through after losing a loved one. Everyone responds to grief in their own unique way. What may feel like a never-ending stream of sadness to one person can be normal for another.

Studies have found that most people experience the same five stages of grief after the death of a loved one. These are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The length of time it takes you to go through these stages may vary. It can take months or even years for some people to reach the final stage.

The Five Stages of Grief

Even though the stages of grief are listed in order of 1-5, they are not necessarily linear. The stages identified are oftentimes experienced in the following order, but this order is flexible. In fact, it is not uncommon for a person to walk out of one stage only to walk back in later.

1. Denial: This is the first stage of grief, and it is commonly the hardest. You may be in a state of shock and have difficulty processing the idea that someone you cared about is gone. It may seem unreal, like an awful dream, or that the death has not happened yet. We all want to avoid this stage but let yourself feel the emotions that come with it. Try not to suppress or avoid them. If you keep them inside, you will become more distressed and anxious. This will only make the process of recovery longer.

2. Anger: In this stage, you may be filled with a sense of rage or frustration. You may be angry that the person died and mad at death’s circumstances. You may also feel a sense of betrayal as if the person you loved didn’t die but instead decided to leave you.

Try and keep in mind that everyone feels anger after losing a loved one. Anger is a normal and healthy response. It is essential to express your feelings. It is also important to avoid staying in this state for too long.

3. Bargaining: In this stage, you may be looking for a way to make the loss easier to bear. You may bargain that if the person who died returned, everything would be okay. Perhaps you bargain that you would not be so sad if the person who died would change their mind and come back. You may even try bargaining that you would feel better if the person who died would do something to reassure you that they are okay. You may ask that the person who died give you a sign.

Bargaining is a common reaction to loss, and it is important not to stay in this stage for too long. Eventually, you will realize that the bargaining is not working, and you will move on to the next stage.

4. Depression: In this stage, you may feel as if the world is a darker place since the person you loved died. You may feel tired and have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. You may even have difficulties remembering things from the past and often think about the lost loved one.

Sometimes, you may feel so depressed that you don’t want to get out of bed. It is important to remember that you are not alone in this. Everyone experiences the loss of a loved one in their own way.

It is only natural to feel this way, but it is essential to talk to someone about your feelings. You can seek support in many forms: a friend, a family member, or a mental health professional can all help you get through this difficult time.

5. Acceptance: The acceptance stage of grief is the final stage of the five stages. It is the time when one has fully come to terms with their loss and has finally accepted it. The person will no longer feel any type of sadness or anger about their loss. Instead, they will most likely feel a sense of peace and understanding.

It’s about accepting things for what they are and not trying to change them. The person will start to find meaning in their life again and be able to focus on what they are doing. They will also start to feel a sense of happiness again, but it will be different than before because they know that they have lost something important in their life.

The grieving process is a long one, but with acceptance comes peace.

How to Cope with Grief After a Loved One Dies

The death of a loved one can be a challenging experience, whether due to death or divorce. It can affect you emotionally, physically, and psychologically. You may feel grief, sadness, and guilt. It may be challenging to get through this difficult time, but there are ways to cope.

Express your feelings: It’s important to express your feelings when you’re grieving. Talking about how you are feeling, whether with a friend, family member, or therapist, can help you to process your grief and start to heal. It can be difficult to open up about your grief, but it’s worth it to get the support you need. Grief can be very isolating but talking about your feelings can help you to feel less alone. If you’re not ready to talk about your grief with another person, try writing in a journal or talking to a pet. Just letting someone know how you are feeling can be a huge comfort.

Another way to express your grief is by making a grief mask. Creating a grief mask involves two steps. The first step is designing the outside of the mask. The outside represents how we show ourselves to others. This is the part everyone sees, the face we show to other people. The second part is designing the inside of the mask. This is the part that you keep on the inside. The part that no one really sees. Read more here about creating a grief mask.

Do something you enjoy: In order to move through grief, it is important to find things that bring comfort. For some, that may be listening to music, looking at photos, or spending time with loved ones. It may sound trivial but doing something that makes you happy can take your mind off things, even if just for a moment. And when you’re in the midst of grief, those moments can be a godsend. So, if you don’t have something that brings you comfort, think of something that makes you smile, such as a song, a picture, or something that brings back memories. Grief may be a part of life, but so is happiness. And when you’re grieving, it’s important to hold onto that.

Hugging and touching: One way to connect with others is through physical touch. A hug can be a powerful way to offer comfort and let someone know that you care. However, it is important to remember that not everyone enjoys being hugged. It is vital to respect the personal space of others and to only hug someone if they have given you permission to do so. Only by connecting with others will you be able to find the support and understanding you need during this difficult time.

Try to get a good night’s sleep: Sleep is an essential part of our lives, and it plays an important role in our emotional wellbeing. When we sleep, our bodies and minds have a chance to rest and heal. For many people, sleep is a time when they can process their emotions and deal with grief or loss. Sleep can also be a source of comfort during difficult times. A good night’s sleep can help to improve your mood and decrease your chances of becoming depressed. So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, take some time for yourself and get some rest. It may not seem like much, but it can make a world of difference.

For more information on how stress impacts us during the grieving process as well as ways to cope with stress click here.

Helping Children Cope with Grief

Grief is a natural response to loss, and children often react in ways that are unique to their age and stage of development. They may not express their grief in the same way as adults, but that doesn’t mean they are any less sad.

Children may show signs of sadness, but they may also be curious, act out, or have trouble focusing on anything besides the person who has died. It is important to remember that children experience grief in their own way and that they need time to process their feelings. Comfort can be found in activities such as talking about the person who died, looking at photos, or spending time with family and friends.

Helping Children Through the Loss of a Loved One

Talk about the person who died: It can be difficult to talk about someone who has died, but it is important. Talking about the person who passed away may bring up memories, but it can also help a child express his/her feelings. Grief can be a difficult emotion to process and talking about the deceased can be a way of coming to terms with the loss. In fact, not allowing children to talk about their feelings and memories can inhibit their healing after a loss.

Talking about the person who died can also be a way to remember the good times and to share stories with others who are grieving. In addition, talking about the deceased can provide comfort. Knowing that a child is not alone in his/her grief can be a source of strength and can help with healing. Talking about death may not be easy, but it is an important part of the grieving process.

Accept the death: One way that children can begin to process their grief is by saying goodbye to the person who has died. This can be done in a number of ways, such as writing a letter or drawing a picture. Saying goodbye can help children to start to let go of the person who has died and begin to move forward. It is often helpful for adults to model healthy grief behaviors, such as talking about memories of the person who has died and expressing emotions openly. By doing this, adults can provide comfort and support to grieving children and help them begin to heal.

Grief is a natural and normal process: Grief is a universal emotion, but everyone experiences it in their own way. For some children, grief may manifest as a never-ending stream of sadness. They may have trouble sleeping, lose their appetite, or withdraw from social activities. Other children may seem to cope relatively well at first, but then begin to act out in school or have sudden mood swings. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve, and it’s important to remember that each child reacts differently. As a parent or caregiver, the best thing you can do is be there to offer comfort and support. Listen when they want to talk and give them space when they need it. Grief is a journey, and by taking it one day at a time, your child will eventually find their way back to happiness.

Avoid euphemisms: When a loved one dies, it can be difficult to know how to talk about it with kids. Euphemisms like “gone to sleep” or “lost” might seem like a way to spare them the pain of loss, but in reality, they can just end up confusing and upsetting children. It’s important to be direct with them and use language that they will understand. Explain what has happened in simple terms and allow them to express their grief in whatever way they need to. Comfort them and let them know that it’s okay to feel sad. Ultimately, being honest and open with children about death will help them to deal with their grief in a healthy way.

A children’s book, Where is My Grandpa, exploring common euphemisms can be found here.

Grief is a universal experience, but it doesn’t have to be faced alone. There are many ways to cope with grief and to help children cope with the death of a loved one. It is important to take steps towards healing, even if it feels impossible at first. You will get through this difficult time; you are not alone.