How is Losing Keys Like Grief and Loss?

Can any loss trigger the stages of grief? I think it can.

Last night my son called me in a panic. He sounded very upset, and I knew this wasn’t the typical, “What’s for dinner?” call.

You see, he had been out running on some steep and hilly trails not too far from our home. He was training for an upcoming 32 mile run and had been on the trails for a few hours, maybe 12.5 miles. So, when he called my mom-sense (kind of like a Spidey-sense but, you know, real) kicked in and I wanted to know if he was hurt.

I could almost hear him saying, “No it’s worse.”

At one point he stopped to refresh and rehydrate. He unzipped his pack pocket and pulled out a granola bar. That was the last time he knew he had his car key.

He lost his keys. In the wooded trail. Of which he had just run 12.5 miles.

When he started his run, he left his wallet and phone in the car so that he would not drop them on the path. I guess he was trying to be responsible. And off he ran.

Once he realized that he couldn’t find his keys he tracked down a ranger to explain what happened. He told the ranger where he had been running and where he last saw the keys. The ranger let him borrow his phone so he could call home.

To The Rescue

My husband drove to the park to see if he could help our son search. They did not have much time as the sun was going down and the park was closing. The park ranger did give him a few extra minutes to run back through one of the trails to look.

Unfortunately, they did not find the keys and sadly my son had to leave his car behind the locked fence. I have an image in my mind of my sad son with his hand on the window, tears streaming down his face, as my husband was driving through the closing park gates.

When my son got home, he grumbled and did not really want to talk. He ate a very small bite of food and went to his room. I went to check on him and he had all the lights off. He said he just wanted to be left alone.

This morning, bright and early, my son and I set out for the hiking trails. The trails opened at 7 am and we wanted to get a jumpstart on the day. We parked near the trailhead and started walking. We searched the ground, the trail, and around any benches we came across.

And I prayed the whole way.

I asked everyone I saw on the trails if they happened to see a set of keys on the ground. They all said no. But I met some truly lovely people, and they were all concerned about my son. People offered to help us look, others suggested calling the ranger station. It did my heart good that people expressed such concern.

We ended up back at the car, but my son kept walking. He wanted to look in one more place. Around one more bench.

He sat down on the bench, dejected. Preparing to call the car dealership to have a new key made. As we made our way back through the trail to the car I looked down and, lo and behold, there was his key. Sitting on a tree stump.

I picked it up and was ecstatic. I saw a couple walking past and I joyously shared that we found the key. Unexpectedly, the gentleman told me that he found it buried in the brush and put it on the tree stump in case the owner came back looking for it. I seriously got chills speaking with this couple.

It was truly like finding a needle in a haystack!! Praise God!!

Here’s the thing, this felt very much like a loss for my son.

He went from denial to anger to bargaining, to depression, and finally to acceptance. You can read more about the stages of grief here.

• He denied he lost his car key- “it’s not lost,” “I think I know where it is”
• He was very angry with himself for losing his key
• He tried bargaining…if you help me find this key, I will get a tracker for it so I won’t lose it again
• He was sad, dejected, upset, didn’t want to eat
• He then started to accept the fact that the key was lost, and he needed to get a new one made

Now he went through the stages quickly, and his “loss” was not the same as losing a loved one. But I couldn’t help but feel the connection.

Loss can come at any time and any place. Loss can be from death, divorce, broken relationships, or even losing your keys. No matter the loss, it hurts.

I am always big on finding the lesson in things- I am an educator, after all. I told my son that these were the lessons I learned through this whole fiasco.

Lessons:

1. People can be kind. I met the most wonderful people- people hiking through the trails, people walking their dogs, people enjoying the cooler weather. Every single person we encountered was kind and understanding and several shared their own “losing their keys” story. You do not need to walk loss alone. Let other people help.
2. Be careful with your keys. Make sure they are in a secure place (before heading off on a 12+ mile run). It is also a good idea to have an extra set of keys made in case the original set disappears. Loss is inevitable. We need to be careful with what we have now, be it keys, friendships, or loved ones because it can be gone in the blink of an eye.
3. Do not run!! Take it slow. We always wish for the future and forget the blessings we have in the present.

Loss Hurts

No matter what we lose, we experience many different emotions. Loss just plain ole’ hurts!!

The other part of that, though, is that the intense, stinging pain relaxes a little. The horrible grip on your heart starts to loosen just a bit. The pain may never fully go away but it may become less overwhelming, less all-consuming.

I know that I will miss my precious Daddy for the rest of my time on this earth. But I am also hopeful that the rough edges will be smoothed out just a little.