Embracing the Empty Chair
Navigating Grief and Holiday Meals After Loss
Understanding Grief During the Holidays
Grief is messy and unpredictable—it comes in waves of sadness, longing, and sometimes even guilt. The holidays, usually filled with joy and togetherness, can make that loss feel even heavier. When it seems like the whole world is celebrating, the emptiness can feel even sharper. This time of year, with all its traditions and gatherings, can be a tough reminder of who’s missing, making it especially hard for those who are grieving.
Everything about the holiday season seems to scream happiness—cheerful songs, twinkling lights, and picture-perfect family gatherings. But when you’re grieving, those same things can feel like painful reminders of what’s missing. A simple holiday card, a favorite dish at the dinner table, or a decoration they once loved can bring a flood of memories, making the loss feel even more real. It’s a strange and lonely feeling, being surrounded by celebration while carrying sadness inside.
Grieving during the holidays is different for everyone. There’s no right or wrong way to feel, and no set path to follow. Some people find comfort in being surrounded by family, while others need quiet time alone. Grief doesn’t move in a straight line—it can hit unexpectedly, even in the middle of a moment of laughter. One minute, you might feel overwhelmed with sadness; the next, you might catch yourself smiling at a memory. And that’s okay.
Feeling a mix of emotions—sadness, anger, even joy—doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It just means you’re human.
The Significance of the Empty Chair
The empty chair at the holiday table is more than just a missing seat—it’s a reminder of the person who should be there. It holds memories of their laughter, their stories, and the warmth they brought to these gatherings. Seeing that empty space can be one of the hardest moments of the season, bringing both sorrow and gratitude for the times you shared.
Honoring that empty chair can be a meaningful way to navigate grief. Some families choose to leave it as it is, a quiet tribute to their loved one. Others fill it with a special reminder—maybe a favorite book, a framed photo, or a candle to symbolize their presence. There’s no right or wrong way to do it; what matters is finding what feels right for you.
More than just a chair, it’s a way to keep their memory alive. It can spark conversations, invite shared stories, and remind everyone that grief and love go hand in hand. Acknowledging the empty chair doesn’t take away the sadness, but it can create space for connection, reflection, and even a little healing during a difficult time.
Preparing for Holiday Meals After Loss
Getting through holiday meals after losing someone you love takes thought and patience. These gatherings can be emotionally exhausting, and it helps to set realistic expectations. Traditions don’t have to stay the same if they no longer feel right. Giving yourself permission to adapt, skip certain rituals, or create new ones can bring a sense of relief. Honoring your loved one doesn’t mean doing things exactly as before—it means finding a way to celebrate the season in a way that feels meaningful to you now.
Talking with family ahead of time can make things easier. Everyone grieves differently, and while some might want to keep traditions exactly as they were, others may prefer to change things up. Having an open conversation about what feels comforting—or too painful—can help everyone feel heard and supported. Finding a balance that works for your family can bring a sense of togetherness, even in the midst of loss.
Planning ahead can also make the day feel a little more manageable. Deciding in advance how to acknowledge the empty chair—whether by leaving it open, placing a candle, or simply raising a toast—can take away some of the uncertainty. Recognizing potential emotional triggers and leaning on a support system, whether it’s a close friend or family member, can help you navigate the meal with a little more steadiness. Taking these small steps won’t take away the grief, but they can make the holidays feel a little less overwhelming.
Coping Strategies for Grieving Individuals
Getting through the holidays while in grief takes a mix of self-kindness, flexibility, and support. It’s important to be gentle with yourself and allow whatever feelings come—whether it’s deep sadness, brief moments of joy, or a mix of both. There’s no “right” way to grieve and taking care of yourself is key. That might mean stepping away for quiet moments alone, journaling your thoughts, meditating, or taking a peaceful walk outside to clear your mind.
Finding connection can also be a huge source of comfort. Talking with others who have experienced loss—whether through a support group, close friends, or family—can remind you that you’re not alone. Sharing memories, tears, and even laughter about your loved one can help ease the weight of grief and create a sense of togetherness. Sometimes, just knowing someone else understands can make all the difference.
Another important step is setting boundaries. If certain holiday events feel too overwhelming, it’s okay to say no or leave early. Letting loved ones know what you’re up for (and what you’re not) can help manage expectations and reduce stress. Prioritizing your well-being isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. Navigating grief during the holidays is about finding what works for you and allowing yourself the space to heal in your own way.
Communicating with Family and Friends
Talking openly with family and friends is one of the best ways to navigate grief during the holidays. Being honest about your feelings and expectations can help create a space where everyone’s emotions are recognized and respected. It might mean having conversations about which traditions to keep, how to honor your loved one’s memory, and how to handle the emotional challenges that might come up.
Letting others know what you need can make a big difference. Maybe you’d like help hosting or preparing meals, or perhaps you’d appreciate a quiet moment to reflect on your loved one during a gathering. Speaking up about your needs can prevent misunderstandings and allow others to offer support in meaningful ways.
Listening is just as important. Everyone grieves differently, and each family member may have their own way of processing loss. Some might want to talk and share memories, while others may prefer to keep busy or stay quiet. By making space for each person’s feelings and ideas, families can create a sense of unity, ensuring that no one feels alone in their grief.
Honoring Loved Ones During Holiday Gatherings
Honoring a loved one during the holidays can be a beautiful way to keep their memory alive and feel their presence in the celebration. Finding small but meaningful ways to include them can bring comfort and connection. It might be as simple as sharing a favorite story, playing their favorite holiday song, or making a dish they loved. These little moments can make their absence feel a little less heavy and their spirit a little closer.
Setting aside a moment to reflect or remember can also be powerful. Lighting a candle in their honor, raising a toast, or taking a few quiet minutes to think about them can help create space for both grief and gratitude. These simple gestures allow everyone to acknowledge their loss while also celebrating the love and memories that remain.
Another idea is to create a memory table or small display with photos, keepsakes, or other meaningful items. This can be a place for family and friends to pause, share stories, and feel connected through shared memories. By weaving these elements into holiday gatherings, families can turn their time together into an opportunity to celebrate a loved one’s life while finding comfort in each other. A great example of this is Dia de Los Muertos in Mexico.
Creating New Traditions While Remembering the Past
While holding onto old traditions can bring comfort, creating new ones can offer a sense of hope and a gentle reminder that life continues—just differently now. Finding new ways to celebrate doesn’t mean letting go of the past; it means making space for healing while still honoring the love and memories that remain. These new traditions can help bridge the gap between grief and joy, offering a fresh way to keep your loved one’s legacy alive while embracing the present moment.
New traditions don’t have to be big or complicated. They can be simple things like taking a walk to reflect, baking their favorite recipe together, volunteering as a family, or making a scrapbook of holiday memories. These activities can become meaningful ways to honor your loved one’s life while creating new moments of connection with those still here.
You can also tie new traditions to what your loved one cared about—maybe supporting a cause they believed in, listening to their favorite music, or crafting something that reminds you of them. Blending pieces of the past with something new can make the holidays feel more personal, more healing, and more filled with love—even in the midst of loss.
Seeking Professional Help: When to Consider Therapy
Grief is personal, and for some, the holidays can make everything feel heavier—more sadness, more anxiety, and sometimes even depression. If it feels like the weight of it all is too much, reaching out for professional help can be a really important step. A therapist or counselor can give you a safe space to talk through your emotions, build coping tools, and help you find your way through the tough parts of grief. You don’t have to carry this alone.
It’s okay to seek extra support, especially if the grief is starting to affect your sleep, your appetite, your relationships, or your ability to get through the day. Therapy, grief groups, or workshops can offer guidance that you might not get from friends or family—sometimes, just talking to someone who’s trained to help can make a huge difference.
Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a brave and healthy step toward healing.
Working with a mental health professional can help you process the loss, build resilience, and rediscover moments of peace and meaning. If the holidays feel too hard to face alone, it’s more than okay to reach out. There’s support out there, and you deserve it.
Supporting Others Who Are Grieving
Supporting someone who’s in grief during the holidays takes a lot of heart. It starts with simply acknowledging their loss—letting them know you see their pain and that you’re here for them. Sometimes, the best thing you can offer is your presence: a listening ear, a warm hug, or a quiet moment sitting beside them. Your compassion and patience can help create a space where they feel safe to be real with their emotions.
Practical help can go a long way too. Maybe they need someone to help with grocery shopping, wrapping gifts, or just checking in with a quick text. Even the smallest gesture—dropping off a meal, offering a ride, or helping decorate—can ease the weight they’re carrying. Just make sure to offer help gently and without pressure. Let them say yes or no based on what feels right to them.
Most importantly, keep the lines of communication open. Ask how they’re doing. Listen to what they need—or don’t need. Every grief journey is different, so what comforts one person might be too much for another. By being thoughtful, patient, and present, you’re not just supporting someone through a hard season—you’re reminding them that they’re not alone in it.
Conclusion: Finding Hope and Healing in the Holidays
Grieving through the holidays is never simple—it’s messy, emotional, and deeply personal. It’s about learning how to carry the pain of what’s missing while still holding space for moments of joy and remembrance. That empty chair at the table? It may always tug at your heart, but by acknowledging it and all the emotions that come with it, the holidays can slowly begin to shift into something more healing.
With honest conversations, small meaningful rituals, and the courage to start new traditions, families can find ways to honor their loved one’s memory while also embracing life as it is now. Support—whether from a therapist, a close friend, or your own inner circle—can make a world of difference. You don’t have to walk this road alone. There is strength in reaching out and allowing others to walk beside you.
Grief is love that’s still here. And even in the hardest moments, that love can shine through. By gently weaving the past into the present, we can create holiday seasons that are not just about what’s been lost, but about what still connects us. That empty chair will never be just a void—it can be a reminder of a life deeply loved and never forgotten. Through remembrance, love, and community, the holidays can become not only bearable, but meaningful.
Grief is love that’s still here.
