Developing A Circle of Support After A Loss

Unless you have been living under a rock for the past few years, you’ve probably heard about the rise of the “Niche Communities.” With more and more people feeling disconnected from their neighbors, friends and family members, niche communities have become an important place for people to find common interests with like-minded people.

With this new phenomenon, we also see many of these niche communities popping up online in the form of various support groups. From support groups centered around particular diseases or illnesses to support groups centered on different types of activities (such as book clubs or language classes), these online communities provide a safe space where individuals can share their experiences and give each other advice on how to tackle daily challenges.

What Is A Circle of Support?

A Circle of Support is a network of individuals you can rely on when you need help. These people aren’t required to do anything special—simply be there for you when you need to talk. You can tell your support members about your loved one’s death, ask them for help with your children’s grief and discuss how to deal with your own grief.

People in your Circle of Support may offer to do things for you, such as drive your kids to activities or run errands. There’s no need to feel guilty if you don’t ask for help. Your support members understand that you may not think of everything you need at a given time. They’re waiting to be asked.

Why Establish A Circle of Support?

A Circle of Support is a network of individuals who provide support and assistance to you after a significant loss. They might come from your family, friends or neighbors. Or they might be colleagues you’ve never met before.

Your Circle of Support may consist of people from different walks of life and from different parts of your life. You may have one or two people in your support group from your work environment, one person from your family, one or two friends from an outside group you belong to and one or two friends from your neighborhood.

In the face of a significant loss, you may feel that you don’t have the time or energy to fulfill the needs of yourself and your family members. Or you may not know what to do or how to go about it. Having a Circle of Support reduces your sense of isolation, frees you from the obligation of having to solve everyone else’s problems, and allows you to put your energy into taking care of yourself and your family members.

How to Establish a Circle of Support

• Make a list of people you feel comfortable talking to about your loss and the challenges you may face.
• Narrow down the list to about five to seven people.
• Discuss with this group of people how you may be able to help them as well.
• Create a “Contract” (see sample contract below or click here) with your support members, specifying under which conditions this group can be called upon.
• Keep in touch with each member of your Circle of Support.
• Invite your Circle of Support members to share their thoughts and feelings with you.
• Offer solace and support to your Circle of Support members as well.
• Re-evaluate your Circle of Support group as you go along. If you find that you need more support, or if people are no longer able to offer you any help, re-evaluate your list and add more people.
• Create a Confidentiality Contract (see sample below or click here) so each member feels safe and protected by other members of their Circle of Support.

Tips for Building a Circle of Support

• Be selective in choosing the members of your Circle of Support. This may be a time to eliminate the negative influences in your life, such as people who are always looking for an argument, or people who are ill-tempered, critical or judgmental.
• Once you’ve established your Circle of Support, communicate with the group as often as you need to. Don’t feel guilty about imposing on them. Let them know when you need their help and what you need from them.
• When you’ve lost a loved one, you may feel that you don’t have anything to give to others. But you do. You can give support to other people who are going through the same things you are. A call to a fellow bereaved parent, a friend who has lost a loved one, or someone who is caring for an ailing parent can be a real source of strength.
• You don’t have to be alone during this difficult time. Let your Circle of Support members know that they can call you and that you are available to them also.
• Don’t ignore a group of people who are willing to help you. Take advantage of their willingness to help and appreciate their support.
• Don’t forget to show appreciation to your Circle of Support members. Let them know that you appreciate their concern and support.

Conclusion

The death of a loved one is a painful event, and when this loss is sudden, like a death that occurs due to an accident, it is more likely to cause more feelings of grief and sorrow. Having a Circle of Support in place will help get you through this difficult time.

Having a support system in place can help you cope with any situation you may face, whether you are dealing with the loss of a loved one or are experiencing another difficult event in your life (there are many different types of loss).

With a support system in place, you can focus on your own well-being, knowing that you have people who you can turn to when necessary.