I Lost My Wife
Dear Daddyman,
I recently lost my wife. We were married for 35 years and she meant the world to me. Since she died, I have been walking around empty and lost. Most days I do not want to get out of bed. I feel like I am just going through the motions and doing what everyone thinks I should do. I have lost interest in everything we used to do together. Will this feeling ever pass?
Feeling Lost
Dear Feeling Lost,
That is a difficult question to answer but before I answer let me say that I am so sorry for your loss.
Losing a loved one and going through grief are all a part of life, but it does not make them any easier. It can be very hard to know how long these feelings will last or if they ever go away completely.
Over time you will find that the feeling of emptiness will lessen. You may even find yourself making plans again for activities that used to make you and your wife happy. The memories will come flooding back; sometimes those memories will bring joy and sometimes they will bring tears.
But, this does not mean that you are going to be lost in grief forever.
In time, your emptiness will lessen and a new normal will take shape where the hole in your heart can start healing. But it may not happen overnight or even quickly – there is no set timeline for how long grief lasts.
One thing I know for sure is that this feeling won’t last forever. It may take a long time before you feel like yourself again, but do not let anyone rush you through your grief. Even with the best of intentions, people will encourage you to “get over it” and “move on.” And while that may be easy for some, for others it is not that easy. With each loss I have gone through I realize that I will heal in my own time and in my own way.
When my precious daddy died my doctor suggested that it might be beneficial to talk with a grief counselor. There seems to be a stigma about seeking help from a counselor. But please know, there is nothing to be ashamed of if you feel like talking about your pain. Sometimes we just need a listening ear and a non-judgmental shoulder to lean on. Besides, counselors are trained to help people process their feelings of loss.
Take time each day for yourself, do things that bring back good memories of your wife. Before long things will start changing in a positive way!
Take each day at a time, and be patient with yourself.
But please remember that whatever time frame this takes for you, do not let anyone rush you through your grief or tell you that you are doing it wrong.
Here are some resources that might help.
The Best Online Therapy Site and App Reviews for 2021 (top10.com)
Lifeline (suicidepreventionlifeline.org) or telephone:1-800-273-8255
In the Grip of Grace
-Daddyman Diaries
